Do you ever feel defeated? When doors of opportunity are slammed shut in your face, others knock you down, or you try new things and fail over and over, it’s natural to feel that way. Perhaps even expected. Sure, life can be hard. But does it have to be this hard?
Why is it so difficult for me to lose the weight? Why did that person get the job and I didn’t? How did they catch a break when I’ve been hoping and trying for the same thing forever?
Life is full of whys. It often feels like whoever’s in the control room of the universe fell asleep. Surely things are not all as they are supposed to be. What are they doing up there when all of this stuff is so broken here? Why is this like this? Why does the rug get pulled out from underneath me when I’m trying to do all the right things?
We’ve been asking the whys for a long time, and we will surely continue to do so into the future. Our universe is nearly 14 billion years old and will go on for billions more. If we want big answers about why things are the way they are we’ll have to have big patience. The universe is headed somewhere. But it’s definitely not in a hurry.
In the meantime, I think there is a simple yet fundamental truth we all need to hear on a regular basis: you still can.
You still can.
That door may have been shut in your face. You may have lost 20 pounds and gained it back. You may not have worked your dream job yet. You may not be able to walk or think or carry things the way other people can or the way you used to. But it’s not over.
You still can lose the weight and keep it off. You still can find employment–in an existing business or one that you create–that makes you feel alive and allows you to utilize your abilities. You still can explore, and ask, and learn, and converse, and wonder, and teach, and share, and love…within the changing limitations of your mind and body.
Whatever has happened up to this point does not have to be the final word. Your best days are never only behind you. But until you know and believe that you still can, defeatism is a heavy cloud blocking out a brighter future for you to enjoy.
Believing that you still can is surely easier said than done. It starts with being yourself. In particular, owning who you are and letting go when things don’t go the way you wanted. So things didn’t turn out. Maybe it’s even because you colossally screwed up. How can you learn from that? How can you find the perspective to laugh instead of judging and belittling yourself? Human error can be hilarious. There’s a reason bloopers, outtakes, and funny home videos have been shared for as long as there have been ways to record. It’s not always easy to laugh at your own mistakes and struggles, though.
When you’re feeling defeated or powerless or incapable, you have to remind yourself of what you still can do right now. You may not have been hired for that job, but maybe one of these three others would be a good fit? You may have gained the weight back, but can you cook something more healthful tonight to get back on the right track? You have to start (again) somewhere.
Your body may not allow you to hike miles in mountainous backcountry, but can you take a stroll through the neighborhood or sweat it out on a cardio machine for a little bit? You may not have all the relationships you wish you did, but can you ask him to have coffee with you or cook dinner for her?
Without a doubt, resistance is going to try to trip you up whenever you start getting some traction. We don’t fully know why it’s there, but it definitely is. There will be more doors slammed shut. More setbacks. More false meritocracy that works out in someone else’s favor. More bodily wear and tear that makes it harder to move and think.
You have to show up over and over again. Be gracious to yourself. Get up. This is not the end. You still can.